I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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