Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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