Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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