shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Two words: blizzard sex
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
