Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
