Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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