i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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