i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
