I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
