It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
