He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
