Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
