Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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