Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
