are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
