if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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