And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
