I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He did a backflip because drugs
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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