This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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