Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
