You really coming over, don't trick.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
