My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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