I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
