Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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