i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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