you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
