seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
