Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
