How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
