i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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