I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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