Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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