he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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