We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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