My first STD was from a foam party
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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