return my video game
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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