He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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