so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
