you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
