I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
