I will die if light touches me.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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