Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
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