Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
