in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
