I accidentally burped into my bong.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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