I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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