can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
