Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
