Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
