If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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